I never ever thought I’d do this. Until about a week ago, I took some secret pride in the fact that I couldn’t name a single Taylor Swift song. And then my five-year-old daughter developed a...shall we say...fondness for a certain liquid rainbow dress that animates the video “Me!” I’m not going to put the link here, or you’ll get lost in a maze of Swifty-mania on YouTube. I know this because I did.
And I need to say something. (Deep breath.) I like Taylor Swift. I mean, there’s some depth there. This woman has some serious self-awareness going on, and (I suspect) a sneaky sense of humility. First, the self-awareness.
How different, really, are these two lines:
I am enough.
I’m the only one of me.
One is a hallmark of Tara Brach’s work, and the other is said while bouncing in a pink-sequined heart dress. I know this is difficult, but please refrain from the temptation to watch that video. If you really listen to the lyrics (which is hard to do while snakes are exploding into butterflies), you’ll see some wisdom: a willingness to accept oneself as is, without judgment (“I know that I’m a handful, baby, uh...I never leave well enough alone”), and then a reaffirmation of one’s worth: “I’m the only one of me.” And finally, hopping and popping over Tara’s noteworthy tameness: “Baby that’s the fun of me.”
OK, now to the humility. Because, let’s be honest, it’s not exactly evident in “Me!” But then you dive down that rabbit hole and find “Shake it Off,” from six years ago. Have you seen this video? Don’t watch it yet! It’s this brilliant commentary on criticism (which Taylor has received plenty of), an admission of imperfection on her part (try not to laugh as she bunny hops through a ballet piece), and then (again) a reaffirmation of her worth. “Haters gonna hate. Baby, I’m just gonna shake. Shake it off.”
The whole video is a testament to her inability to be everything to everyone, and then a show of resilience: “But I keep cruising; Can’t stop, won’t stop grooving; It’s like I got this music in my mind; Saying it’s gonna be alright.”
I am enough. Taylor knows it, even if she has to remind herself with lavishly produced videos. She has, through her long and sometimes painful journey to stardom, grown into her own skin. And while we may not have the financial resources or constant adoration that Taylor does, we share her insecurities all the same, and might (I say cringingly) even be able to learn from her.
And this holds for teenagers too. If anyone knows anything about insecurities, about measuring yourself against some impossible standard, about wanting to be something you’re not, it’s a teenager.
So let’s all take Taylor’s advice. You can’t spell AWESOME without ME.
Yes, there’s some self-helpy window dressing there. But if you’re willing to put in the work, whether it’s with a mindfulness practice, counseling, or a cathartic workout, you can get to the same place.
And Tara Brach, for the record, is one of the wisest beings on this planet. The meditation below is loosely based on some of her work, so if it resonates at all, please spend a little more time with her.
OK, you’ve earned it. Go ahead and watch the rainbow dress video. Or “Shake it Off” if you haven’t seen it (it has “3B” views, which is nearly half the people on this planet). But you have to promise to come back and try this meditation on self-acceptance when you’re done.
p.s. So we’re driving through D.C. two days ago, and I’m frustrated with traffic (I can’t even remember why) and my daughter chirps from the back seat: “Haters gonna hate, hate, hate. Shake it off.”